[ finn returns her smile with an odd quirk of his. trying it on himself felt strange and makes him question things. do people smile like this all the time, and why? did it have to do with the way it made his attention focus on her more? so many questions.
and he can't ask rey any of them, or she'll know that he isn't just another port hopping hero she sees him as.
finn rubs his hands together, fighting off the slight chill from the absence of poe's jacket. hesitantly: ]
It's big. Really big.
[ moments like these he's reminded he worked in sanitation. but he continues. ]
And there's everything to see. It comes in all sizes. [ he pointedly looks at bb8 and chewie ] And it's dangerous. [ an even more pointed look at chewie, earning him a low growl ]
( that's vague. but rey doesn't mind that -- it means she can fill in the gaps with things half imagined and no one can tell her they're wrong. she can tell that he's cold, though, and leans against him slightly in thanks, willing some of her body heat to him. it doesn't work like that. she knows that, yet can't help but wish it otherwise. )
They're not bad. ( of chewie and bb8. ) And anyway, we've found Han Solo. We've found Han Solo and Chewbacca and the Millennium Falcon.
( her voice takes on that awed tone, rushed with excitement. it's real. it's all real and she's here! a part of it! her! rey! from jakku! which brings her to another question. )
You must have a favorite. What's it like? Are there lakes? Is it green? Tell me it's green.
[ oh another question. this is fine, he can do this. lakes are wet, trees are green.
finn rubs his palms together, his nervous sweaty palms. his gross sweaty palms. he brings them to his mouth and blows into it, trying to dry it out. but it's not working and he's stalling.
he should say something instead of talking himself in his head. ]
Oh yeah- A lot of them have lakes. A lot of them are green like that too. Some of them are green and they have lakes. And uh.
[ he shakes his head, keeps shaking his head. what is he even saying, no one is going to believe him. she is going to find out any minute. he remembers to breathe and exhales, mimicking awe. ]
( he's doing a good job covering it, because all rey can do is just sigh in half-imagined longing. green. water. she's seen snatching of an island in a lake in her dreams -- doesn't know what it means but knows that a place like that has to exist out there.
maybe. maybe when she goes back to jakku and after her parents find her, she can go looking for it. maybe finn could come.
except he's with the resistance and he has a job to do. rey sighs, letting that particular fantasy go, reluctantly. )
It must be so hard to put into words. ( she wouldn't know where to start, although jakku is easy. sand. emptiness. heat. loneliness. ) But I'll see it one day, when my family comes back.
( even his jacket isn't doing much to stop her shivering, and rey leans into finn unconsciously, seeking out the warmth radiating from him. )
[ finn shifts to accommodate her lean, his shoulder is more accessible now and it's practically cuddling but they don't have words for this in the first order. ]
Jakku's not a good place to be right now. Family or not.
[ he sounds more grim than he intended but he knows that's the truth. jakku is a graveyard, bodies of innocent villages and poe. he sighs and remembers that rey needs the support as well. he offers, with doubt in his voice, though he tries to be as reassuring as he can: ]
Maybe you could leave them a note. Something to tell them where you went.
( rey doesn't have a word for it either, but she likes it. finn's hot against her and he smells like old leather and sweat; he smells like jakku in a way she finds heartwarming instead of heartsick. )
How would they know to find it? It isn't as if I'll be staying in one place if I leave. ( an idea forms in her head, a bright shining point ) I could go looking for them.
( how-- well, that she doesn't know. but she could. she could find them first, and they'd be so sorry they couldn't come get her right away. got tied up with other things, but they were going to once they had enough money. once they bought a space ship, got out of whatever trouble they were in.
her stomach feels cold as rey edges nearer to a truth she doesn't want to recognize. no. they're out there. they have to be. )
[ he looks at her. he doesn't know if she's not realizing the reality of the situation - them being on the millennium falcon, being hunted by the first order, being trapped between a war with the legendary han solo - or if she's just that optimistic.
but for once, this is not bad of an idea. it would take them so far away from the whole conflict. them, not just finn alone. he couldn't... bare the thought of just leaving her in the middle of all that. like he can't stand the thought of leaving her back on jakku, if that ever comes to it.
finn press his lips into a thin line and nods his approval. ]
I like that. That's a great idea. You don't have to go back on Jakku and just wait for them. [ he catches rey's hand in his. ] We're on the Millennium Falcon. And we could go any where after Han drops us off. Any where you want!
( optimistic, finn. she couldn't survive on jakku for as long as she did without holding out hope for a better tomorrow, or at least a better one than today.
and then he takes her hand, and some part of her stomach flutters -- is it something she ate? she hopes she's not getting sick. that would be terrible. but even then she can't help the smile that breaks out over her face. )
That would be-- ( great. it would be amazing. her earnest, eager face betrays how much she wants that. but he's finn. he's with the resistance. she can't take him away from that. her face falls, even as she clutches his hand tighter in her's. ) But we can't. You have to help the Resistance, Finn. I can't-- you can't leave them for me.
( even if she wants to, even if nothing else sounds as appealing as running away with finn to find her family. )
[ for a sweet moment, he looked at her face and forgot that there was a giant lie lying between then and that if he just squeezed her hand back - which he did - that everything would be fine. they would truly, for the first time, have a life that is their own.
then it disappears with her smile and he feels like the wind is forced out of his lungs. the Resistance, of course. his face feels warm and he inhales again. ]
Right. But I could. I could! I could leave it, if you want to go find your family. We'll get BB-8 to the Resistance base, that I know about. The one that I talked about, you remember that right?
[ a nervous chuckle is masked as an optimistic one, and he squeezes her hand because the future is so damn bright when his hand is in hers. ]
( oh, she wants to -- something in her soars when he says then we'll go. finn is the only person in the universe who has ever made her feel cared about. she cherishes that, it means more than she has the words for.
but )
I couldn't do that. I can't take you away. ( he surely belongs there, the big deal of the resistance. and it's selfish of her to want to make him leave, to go with her. she wants nothing more; with finn by her side, rey is certain that everything would be better. but she can't.
and it hurts. )
I want you to come with me. But the Resistance is doing good work. You're doing the right thing. It just---
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no subject
and he can't ask rey any of them, or she'll know that he isn't just another port hopping hero she sees him as.
finn rubs his hands together, fighting off the slight chill from the absence of poe's jacket. hesitantly: ]
It's big. Really big.
[ moments like these he's reminded he worked in sanitation. but he continues. ]
And there's everything to see. It comes in all sizes. [ he pointedly looks at bb8 and chewie ] And it's dangerous. [ an even more pointed look at chewie, earning him a low growl ]
no subject
They're not bad. ( of chewie and bb8. ) And anyway, we've found Han Solo. We've found Han Solo and Chewbacca and the Millennium Falcon.
( her voice takes on that awed tone, rushed with excitement. it's real. it's all real and she's here! a part of it! her! rey! from jakku! which brings her to another question. )
You must have a favorite. What's it like? Are there lakes? Is it green? Tell me it's green.
no subject
finn rubs his palms together, his nervous sweaty palms. his gross sweaty palms. he brings them to his mouth and blows into it, trying to dry it out. but it's not working and he's stalling.
he should say something instead of talking himself in his head. ]
Oh yeah- A lot of them have lakes. A lot of them are green like that too. Some of them are green and they have lakes. And uh.
[ he shakes his head, keeps shaking his head. what is he even saying, no one is going to believe him. she is going to find out any minute. he remembers to breathe and exhales, mimicking awe. ]
I can't even describe it.
no subject
maybe. maybe when she goes back to jakku and after her parents find her, she can go looking for it. maybe finn could come.
except he's with the resistance and he has a job to do. rey sighs, letting that particular fantasy go, reluctantly. )
It must be so hard to put into words. ( she wouldn't know where to start, although jakku is easy. sand. emptiness. heat. loneliness. ) But I'll see it one day, when my family comes back.
( even his jacket isn't doing much to stop her shivering, and rey leans into finn unconsciously, seeking out the warmth radiating from him. )
no subject
Jakku's not a good place to be right now. Family or not.
[ he sounds more grim than he intended but he knows that's the truth. jakku is a graveyard, bodies of innocent villages and poe. he sighs and remembers that rey needs the support as well. he offers, with doubt in his voice, though he tries to be as reassuring as he can: ]
Maybe you could leave them a note. Something to tell them where you went.
no subject
How would they know to find it? It isn't as if I'll be staying in one place if I leave. ( an idea forms in her head, a bright shining point ) I could go looking for them.
( how-- well, that she doesn't know. but she could. she could find them first, and they'd be so sorry they couldn't come get her right away. got tied up with other things, but they were going to once they had enough money. once they bought a space ship, got out of whatever trouble they were in.
her stomach feels cold as rey edges nearer to a truth she doesn't want to recognize. no. they're out there. they have to be. )
no subject
but for once, this is not bad of an idea. it would take them so far away from the whole conflict. them, not just finn alone. he couldn't... bare the thought of just leaving her in the middle of all that. like he can't stand the thought of leaving her back on jakku, if that ever comes to it.
finn press his lips into a thin line and nods his approval. ]
I like that. That's a great idea. You don't have to go back on Jakku and just wait for them. [ he catches rey's hand in his. ] We're on the Millennium Falcon. And we could go any where after Han drops us off. Any where you want!
no subject
and then he takes her hand, and some part of her stomach flutters -- is it something she ate? she hopes she's not getting sick. that would be terrible. but even then she can't help the smile that breaks out over her face. )
That would be-- ( great. it would be amazing. her earnest, eager face betrays how much she wants that. but he's finn. he's with the resistance. she can't take him away from that. her face falls, even as she clutches his hand tighter in her's. ) But we can't. You have to help the Resistance, Finn. I can't-- you can't leave them for me.
( even if she wants to, even if nothing else sounds as appealing as running away with finn to find her family. )
no subject
then it disappears with her smile and he feels like the wind is forced out of his lungs. the Resistance, of course. his face feels warm and he inhales again. ]
Right. But I could. I could! I could leave it, if you want to go find your family. We'll get BB-8 to the Resistance base, that I know about. The one that I talked about, you remember that right?
[ a nervous chuckle is masked as an optimistic one, and he squeezes her hand because the future is so damn bright when his hand is in hers. ]
Then we'll go!
no subject
but )
I couldn't do that. I can't take you away. ( he surely belongs there, the big deal of the resistance. and it's selfish of her to want to make him leave, to go with her. she wants nothing more; with finn by her side, rey is certain that everything would be better. but she can't.
and it hurts. )
I want you to come with me. But the Resistance is doing good work. You're doing the right thing. It just---
( it wouldn't be right. )